How to be a writer in Hollywood

First, according to Hollywood Machine become a writers' assistant. And even that can take years...

If I could go back in time and do it over -- I would have tried to transition from the p.a. gig into a writers' assistant position, OR I would have majored in creative writing at Northwestern and gotten the writers' assistant job from an alumni connection immediately after graduating, OR I would have written American Beauty when I was 12 years-old because Alan Ball hadn't even thought of the idea yet and I could steal it and become a child prodigy.

Thanks to Complications Ensue for the link.