What not to get a writer for Christmas

On his Artful Writer blog, Craig Mazin takes a look at a gift catalogue for writers. He's not overly impressed.

Shakespeare Naughty Pillow - $29.95
This is exactly what it sounds like. It’s a pillow with a bunch of “bawdy” Shakespeare quotes.

So you’re a writer…overweight, slouchy posture, pallid skin, bad eyesight…but don’t worry. Once you get those four Long Island Ice Teas into that girl at the bar and bring her back ’round your sweet Valley Village love pad, she’s going to stumble to the bed, catch a glimpse of the naughty pillow and read something like:

But that I will have a recheat winded in my forehead or hang my bugle in an invisible baldric all women shall pardon me.

Ohhhhh YEAHHHHHHHHH.

You know what’s great about the Shakespeare Naughty Pillow? It pretty much guarantees you will never have sex for the rest of your fertile life, ensuring the end of every genetic line predisposed to buy stupid crap like a Shakespeare Naughty Pillow.

Might take a few generations, but Darwin is patient.

Of course, we all know what writers really want for Christmas.